i'm trying to keep my cool so that i won't say things i'll regret later.
that's how much i've learnt.
so i won't go about saying stuff like i don't care anymore.
even though you left, i would not go.
cause you know, you mean the world to me.
and i love you still.

i don't know why i'm at a loss for words.
when there is so much i wanted to say before.
maybe we've ran out of things to talk about already.
is it really so hard to say that i miss you?
i'm just to stubborn and i can't let go of my damn pride.
look at you, my most familiar stranger.
and the coldness that lingers in the air.

i wonder how many really experience this form of love.
where it transcends the normal boundaries of friendship.
because you've met this person you'd gladly die for and the world is not the same ever since.
it's like you've found your soulmate and she shares your little dreams that others laughed at.
you love her so much, and you meant it when you said you love her more than yourself.
and this love is without complications and is something pure.
you can fall back on and lean against her because even if the whole world forsakes, she is still here.
and despite all your ugliness and flaws, she still sees you as someone beautiful and she loves you with all her heart.
it is really hard to describe this feeling, because no words can put it across so true and real.
you have to feel it, to find this someone whom exist for you.
i'm really glad i've found mine.
in the least expected person, but i'm glad still.
yet i lost her just like that.
the pain is nothing like a simple heartache, nothing that tears and cuts can take away.
i failed her, one whom i love so dearly.
words cannot express how sorry i feel.
and if i should blame anyone, it is me who should go to the ghettos.
to doubt her love so sweet and to break her down, i don't deserve to live.
and it is the most cruel thing to ever know, to hurt someone you hold so close.
once she leaves, she is never coming back.
all you can do is live in this regret.
but you've lost the most precious love a friend could bring.
and yes, i lost her in my own folly.


- evan